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[10 Jul 2009|02:51pm] |
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CALGARY STAMPEDE, BABY. I missed the beginning, but I'll be catching the end this weekend. You better believe that I'm going to the Superdogs show. I'm not ashamed of it.
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[06 Jul 2009|12:15am] |
To whomever sent in that little blurb about me for the paper asdfghjklCORA:
It was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.
Also? Jackie? You're free to call me.
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[01 Jul 2009|11:05am] |
HAPPY CANADA DAY, ICE RIVER!
I better hear a lot of obnoxious fireworks tonight. It's just not a decent holiday without them.
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[17 Jun 2009|12:52pm] |
A 50-year-old woman hit on me today. Not really, but I'm going to take everything she said to me in the wrong context because it's funnier. Don't worry, Jimmy. I gave her your number. She's probably somebody's mother, after all, and I know you're into that. At least you are when you're baked out of your mind, ahaha.
In other news, my shitty car is giving me a lot of trouble and needs some work. I was going to wing it myself, but I really do like to drive, so I don't think that's a good idea. I just don't want to be ripped off by some asshole mechanic. Seriously, fuck mechanics. They can kiss my ass. I've had my car long enough that I'm considering saving up and get a new one. I'm not too attached to my car, which I think must break the unwritten rules of my gender or something. At least I'm not one of those creepy guys that talks to his car like it's some fine piece of ass. Seriously, when did people start doing that? I have a friend back in Calgary who named his car Sheila, and he makes me uncomfortable when he talks about how awesome 'she' is. I had eventually tell him that if he ever got a stiffy while describing his car to me, we were no longer going to be friends.
Okay, back to work. I guess.
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[21 May 2009|07:33pm] |
I have good news for you guys. The tourists are extra hot and dumb this year. Not to mention, really easy to impress. Who knew that one could be highly respected as a park warden? Apparently women just love a man in uniform - no matter what kind. I should have skipped college and become a janitor or something.
As you can tell, I have nothing important to update about. It's supposed to warm up by the end of the week. I expect to see everyone in as little clothing as possible. Well, hopefully not everyone. We don't want all of Keegan's pictures becoming a reality.
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[18 Apr 2009|07:43pm] |
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I'm going to wear my cowboy hat to the bar tonight, ladies. Try not to be all over me.
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[12 Apr 2009|01:20am] |
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Josh is my favourite 'new person' to join the network. You have competition, Will.
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[04 Apr 2009|08:06pm] |
Pointless story time.
I was flipping through channels the other day and I stumbled upon one of those Hollywood entertainment shows. Normally, I would have changed the station immediately, but they were covering Jessica Biel's stripper practice session for a film she's doing. It was amazing. She was trying to explain how hard the 'art' of stripping was at the same time, though. So that kind of took away from it.
I love that she used to be on 7th Heaven. The Reverend cannot be happy with how that daughter turned out. I, for the record, am very happy with how her ass turned out. My God. So, I guess I'm going to have to go see Powder Blue. It's decided.
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[25 Mar 2009|02:43pm] |
Hey, Jamie? Can you dance like this? Ahahaha. I can't believe I missed that the first time I read your post.
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[16 Mar 2009|01:04am] |
Well, that was a kick ass weekend except for the fact that I was crammed into a hotel bathroom on Saturday night holding a hot girl's hair while she vomited the entire contents of their stomach into the toilet. So sexy. Don't worry, everyone. I'm back. I hope you didn't miss me too much.
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[07 Mar 2009|02:30pm] |
Tonight is bar night and I really need to shower because MY WATER ISN'T WORKING. God dammit.
Who wants to lend me their shower? I don't want to use the arena showers. I'll come out more dirty than I was when I stepped in.
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| Locked to Jem |
[21 Feb 2009|09:59pm] |
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Hello.
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[15 Feb 2009|04:57pm] |
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Well, I'm broke. I hope everyone enjoyed getting drunk off of my hard-earned cash on Friday night.
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[30 Jan 2009|07:46pm] |
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So. Valentine's Day is coming up. Who wants to be mine? You may apply within, ladies.
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[09 Jan 2009|05:24pm] |
All of the ladies should come out to Paddington's tonight. You know, because I'll be there. That's reason enough.
I have nothing productive to say. It would be an honour to get shit-faced with you all. Please join me. Guys can come too, I guess.
These blogs are so useful.
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[05 Jan 2009|01:24am] |
I hope this ParksNet account is useful in helping me pick up. I'm using a picture with me wearing a suit to look more impressive and irresistible. Professional, even. Ooh, I retract that last statement. I gave myself chills.
Most of you should know me because I'm obnoxious I've been here six years, but in the event that you do not, I'm Sam Barnes. I'm a warden here, which means that I walk around all day and make sure that people aren't destroying nature or depleting our precious natural resources. Don't make me come after you. If you litter, I have authorization to attack and grope. Don't think I haven't been practicing. You won't even know what hit you.
You have been warned.
I've made an entirely useless first update, so I think my work here is done for the day. You stay classy, Ice River.
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